to make it all worthwhile
by kohee
Summary: Barba has never been good at talking about feelings. Neither has Liv. They try to, anyway. Barba/Benson [Coffee Shop AU]


one-shot; _to make it all worthwhile_ _  
_pairing: rafael barba/olivia benson  
word count: 1528 words

4th story in the AU-verse. Sorting out feelings in the SVU Coffee Shop universe. Too much talking, not enough snark, but roll with it.

 _begin_

" _...now you understand why I said it's complicated. And it's okay. I want to be honest with you, and I don't expect you to...mmph!"_

 _He cuts her off by kissing her fiercely, oblivious to the other customers in the cafe, and the little boy staring at them curiously._

* * *

Rafael sets down a doughnut, carefully presented on a colourful plate, in front of Noah. He looks at Rafael carefully, and he looks at Liv. Liv nods encouragingly. "Go on, baby. It's your favourite doughnut."

Noah picks up the doughnut and tears off a small corner, chewing on it, his expression bordering on suspicious. His little eyes are still keenly trained on his mother, and the strange man that he has never seen before.

"He's a perceptive one." Rafael smiles, putting down Liv's coffee in front of her. His fingers brush hers, a feather-light touch, and she feels her stomach doing a little flip.

"Barba, if you can stop flirting for a minute, I could use your help here." Rita calls out with a smirk, where a long queue is starting to form in front of the counter. He frowns towards the direction of his barista, and turns back to Liv.

"Olivia...we'll talk later, alright?"

She nods, picking up her coffee. He leans towards her, and drops a kiss on her cheek before hurrying off. She thinks that she should feel annoyed at his self-assuredness that they're _together_ , but if she could be honest with herself...she kind of likes it.

* * *

Noah is all curled up on the café's most comfortable couch, his eyes shut tight. Liv rests her hand on his head, stroking his brow lightly, as she watches Rafael giving the counter a quick, thorough wipe down.

Rita is shrugging on her coat, grabbing her bag. "I'm going to take off. Happy...talking, you two."

Liv feels her face flushing a little, but Rita's teasing smile isn't unkind, and with a wink and a tinkle of the door, Rita's gone, it's just her, Rafael and Noah now.

Rafael unties his apron, and hangs it on the door leading to the café's small kitchen. "Would you want some coffee?" He asks.

She shakes her head. "No, thanks. I think I may have had too much today."

He comes out from behind the counter, and sits down beside her on the couch. "There's no such thing as too much coffee."

She chuckles a little at that, and without warning, he cups her face with his hand, thumb stroking her cheek gently before drawing her close and kissing her.

He's already starting to feel strangely familiar, she thinks, her fingers closing around his forearms as she returns his kiss, her lips melding to his, memorising the shape, the feel, the taste.

"Rafael, wait." She whispers against his lips. He makes a small noise of protest, planting a chaste kiss at the corner of her mouth before he draws back.

"You said we should talk." She reminds him.

"I was hoping we could do something more interesting than just talking..." His eyes twinkle mischievously as he gives her that arrogant smirk that is so essentially him.

She quirks an eyebrow at him, and he shrugs, and leans back. "Okay, talk. So..."

"So." She echoes, looking at him.

"Olivia, look," he sighs. "I'm not good at this; I'm not good talking about feelings. All I can say is, I want to be with you. I want to make this work. And it's really not that complicated."

Liv gives him a sideway glance. " _Not_ complicated? Rafael, this is more than you and me. I need to know that you know what you're walking into. I have a son, and my priority will always be Noah. I don't want to commit to someone who cannot commit, who will walk away after..." Her voice trails off at the hurt look on his face, and she makes a noise of frustration, hiding her face in her hands. "You're not the only one who's bad at talking about feelings," she mutters. "My point being, this cannot just be some... _fling_."

Inwardly, she winces. There's no quicker way to drive a man away than talking about expectations of commitment (and throwing a child into the mix) even before they are officially _together_ , but she just really needs to make things clear.

"Look, I'll be honest," he says quietly, taking her hand. "I am never fond of children. And I never wanted to be a father. I am probably the least paternal person I know."

A wave of disappointment washes over her, but she nods, and tries to pulls her hand away, but he only holds it tighter. "Let me explain. I'm sure you understand this – being a former ADA for sex crimes, I see things that should never happen to children, and it just makes me doubt my ability to be able to protect a child, _my_ child."

He smiles wryly. "Besides, my old man isn't exactly the best inspiration for me."

"But when I see you coming in with Noah today...and instantly I know who he is to you. And I can't explain this, I really can't explain that one-eighty degree shift in what I thought I knew all the while – but it didn't scare me away. I didn't feel it was going to be complicated. I still don't feel it."

Her eyes soften listening to him, and her heart feels like it could burst, but she's still scared, and understandably so. What if he has not thought this through? She has had a man in her life who told her he would stay, but eventually walked away. She doesn't feel like she wants to go through that again. It's plainly too exhausting.

"But this is really significant, Rafael. It really is, and I really don't expect you to, well, take this on. It means a lot, and it needs a lot of effort." She shrugs. "We can just go back to status quo, you know. Pretend this never happened. There's still time for you to back out."

His eyes darken, and his grip tightens around her hand. "I _don't_ want to back out. Olivia, at the risk of sounding like a mushy, cheesy idiot – believe me, and I don't do this often, this whole feelings shtick, in fact I _hate_ it – but from the day you walked in here, you've just sort of...stayed."

He pauses, seemingly trying to decide what to say next. "I've just never felt this way about _anyone_. My past...no one knows about it. I never want to talk about it. But with you...you just drew it out, and it was cathartic for me." He confesses.

"I don't know the future, and I don't know what will happen, but I can damn well tell you that I will put my everything into this, with you. I always know what I want. And I want you, and everything that comes with you. Including your son. And it's that simple to me."

"You really do have a knack on making this sound simple," she admits.

His eyes reflect everything he feels, as she reaches out, and places her hand on his jaw. If she could be honest with herself, she feels the same. She remembers the day she walked into the café and saw him smiling smugly at her from behind the counter; he'd stayed with her, too, which was why she kept coming back.

This is why she's here right now, with her son, baring her feelings, in a way that she had never done before, ever, with any other man.

"There's still a lot you don't know about me," she says, still hesitant, still teetering on the edge.

"And there's a lot _you_ don't know about me," he answers, without missing a beat. "And we'll find out together. It'll be an adventure, and along with this little guy beside us. It will be worthwhile. It will be _great_."

She's touched that he's already making the conscious effort with Noah. Maybe this really could work after all.

"So...are we done talking?"

She lifts one shoulder in a shrug, a smile playing about her lips. "I think so."

"We good?"

She nods.

"So can we go back to doing what we were doing before, the more interesting thing?"

Liv rolls her eyes at that, as Rafael laughs, and leans in closer to her. He places his hand over hers, the one that's cupping his face, and then he smirks at her. "By the way, I think we are much too old for _flings_."

She groans, and pushes him away. "Oh, that's really romantic. Great way to break the mood, Rafael."

Rafael laughs, and then he grabs her hands, and pulls her to him in a hug. She gives a little sigh of pleasure and wraps her arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder, breathing in the scent of him. He smells of coffee, flour, butter, and comfort.

"Take a leap of faith, Olivia. I promise you, I won't let you fall."

She pulls back, and then she kisses him. "I believe you," she murmurs.

Somehow, she knows that he will never let her fall.

 _end_


End file.
